What Is the No Contact Rule? What does it mean to follow the No Contact Rule? It means breaking off contact with your Ex-partner for a certain amount of time after the breakup. It means to physically and electronically remove yourself from your Ex, work through issues, push through pain, and gain a new perspective as a result.
The No Contact Rule protects yourself from the direct or indirect influences of your Ex-Partner so you can break your addiction to them and heal quickly and sustainably.
But the better and stricter you can follow the rules, the quicker you will be over your Ex. Here are four facts on how following the No Contact Rule will help you avoid the worst dangers and navigate you securely through the foggy waters of breakup recovery: I just want you back … god, I love you so much.
You will slowly start to see things clearly after some time without your Ex. Much like awakening from a weird dream and suddenly facing the truth. It protects us from ourselves and from the harmful influences of our Exes. We keep putting our hand on the hot stove and then wonder why it hurts.
If we remove the source of our suffering beforehand, the possibilities for self-inflicted torture are limited. We get the carrot and the stick — plenty of it — until we finally have enough. Following the rule will save you from that. You Will Heal Quicker Your recovery progresses in stages there are seven in total. Every mistake you make after your breakup will throw you back relentlessly.
Facebook Stalking is one of the most fatal ones. Because what you may not realize now is that you have probably lost yourself in this relationship. This goes on until you are completely powerless and disillusioned … AND you become cynical about love on top of that. So to summarize, what does the No Contact Rule achieve — what does it do?
It is a tool to restore your mental health and give you a new perspective. It removes the disturbance of external factors, like a sabotaging Ex. The Golden Rules of No Contact: Do NOT call or send text messages, write, communicate, call and hang up, or Facebook Stalk, and no social media! Do NOT leave any trace of your Ex in your place or anywhere where you can see it! If you can follow these three rules for 60 days, you will get invaluable insights.
When to Use the No Contact Rule? Follow the rule after every breakup or divorce as early as you can, regardless of the circumstances even when you were in a long-distance relationship.
This comes mostly from people who are looking for an intellectual justification NOT to follow the rule. They are simply not ready for it yet. We inform the Ex about our plans by sending out an explanation letter or email.
And THEN we start to follow the rule strictly. Complete transparency and honesty toward your Ex and yourself is the key to lasting recovery. If you should break any of the three rules during the 60 days, then you go back to Day 1. In my experience, most of us will break the rule at least once during the period. This will throw you back in your recovery and day-count, but it will actually work to your advantage.
Here comes Day 1. But I still feel so completely hung up on him, and it even hurts more than it did at the beginning. He started dating again already. What am I doing wrong? Simply existing without the physical presence of your Ex is not enough for a thorough recovery.
Real conversion with a coaching prospect Let me be completely honest with you: You will have an excruciating tough time during the first week.
Chased by wild animals and tricked by mirages. The urge to call them, look at their Facebook profile, or go to places they hang out will be almost unbearable. This is when you feel that your situation is very much like an addiction. What happens when you remove the drug from the addict? The addict goes through physical and emotional withdrawal. Neurologically, a breakup is very much like that. And if you treat it as such, you will better understand what is happening to you and how you get through it.
You will have more options at your disposal. Here are a few examples: Always wanted to do [insert activity here]? Now is the best time to start. Go to the gym as often as you can. Learn a new language, play an instrument, or try out a new sport.
You must re-direct your focus from them to you. You MUST use the 60 days to take a deep and uncomfortable look at yourself: What are your essential wants and needs? What really makes you tick? Who are you deep down? I found my perfect-fit partner, and now my wife and I have twin girls.
Can things go wrong? When people ask this question, what they really mean is: Because you are doing it for yourself and NOT to manipulate your Ex. You can only win. The only way things can go wrong is when you break the rule and decide not to continue it anymore. Giving up is the worst-case scenario.
How your Ex feels about your decision to cut off contact is irrelevant to you now. The PostDays Evaluation Is there still a chance for the relationship after the 60 days have passed?
Will your Ex still have feelings for you after that? Can you still be friends? How did that happen? If you reach that verdict, fine. No Contact worked for you because it opened your eyes to the real nature of the relationship.
If, on the other hand, you still want them back AFTER the 60 days have passed, then your chances are much better NOW than they were before you started.
If your relationship was meant to be, your Ex will still be there. More on that later … On a side note: It takes as long as it takes.
How do you get through the long 60 days without quitting? You do that by conquering all the obstacles and problems you will run into. Common No Contact Problems Starting with day one and forward, you will ask yourself the following question: WHY should I continue? You are doing this to gain a new perspective on the whole situation — a birds-eye-view of this whole mess. You are doing this to find out whether to get back together again OR to let go and learn from this experience.
Write down YOUR personal reason on a piece of paper and read it multiple times a day, whenever doubt creeps in. Another popular objection to the No Contact Rule is the following.
No falling for manipulation attempts, no games, no arguing. If you need more help with this, you can check out our DETOX Course , where we offer worksheets and the full set of rules. The next objection, we have partially covered already: If your Ex was still in love with you and believed that you were the one, HOW would they behave?
If they want to get back together again, they will let you know. Until then, you will lose nothing by completing the 60 days. Trust me on this one. That will make things much harder.
We are addicted to the idea of a relationship, the status that the relationship gives us, and the fact that there was always someone on our side, having our backs. So, this is a multi-faceted addiction. And of course, love-addiction and love-withdrawal are real things: