Prior to our meeting, I had mentioned that I had some news to share. I knew exactly what they were thinking, as I spoke about my newfound love interest, and him bussing the file that he had a kid. Alas, I admit, those were my exact words, but those words were also spoken by a much younger and not so much wiser version of myself.
It very well depends on the man, and how serious he is about getting into a committed relationship. But getting to know him is what matters, right? When my guy mentioned that he had a child, I admit that the fear factor did set in. You know… the one involving the mother. Yes the other woman; the ex who will always be present in both of your lives. So I had to ask myself. Was this really worth getting into?
Was he really worth it? There are other men who are single, childless and worth getting to know. Eh… I was up for the challenge, and decided to give it shot. Obviously, there are several issues to deal with when someone has a child. Will he put you first? Will your plans get rescheduled at the last minute, because something came up with the child or because of a situation with the other parent?
Can your significant other manage any possible drama? What about keeping two women happy? These women, however, do happen to be a minority. Fact is… there are many people out there who have a child with their ex. It is a reality that single people have to face. You could actually find a great person who shares common interests, goals and views with you. My guy possesses the main characteristics I usually go for, smart, sensitive, ambitious etc.
I also get to witness the type of dad he really is, and he handles his role and responsibilities as a father well. He is absolutely in love with his child, and that makes him even more attractive to me. Seeing a man love and care for his child genuinely is a beautiful thing. Bear in mind that dating someone with a child would initially lead to you meeting the child or children, and having to build a relationship with them, not to mention gaining their trust as well. Of course, I was also nervous that my guy would analyse me.
I was more nervous about meeting his child. Would the kid like me? Would I be accepted? Somehow I felt I had to impress the kid. Receiving the biggest smile was my ice breaker. The kid was smitten… okay… not totally. Still, it was a great relief to have taken that step. Seeing a man with a child does give an inclination of the type of father he makes, and females — me included — tend to look for that particular quality when choosing our mates.
Possessing the ideal qualities is what would make the final deal in him becoming a potential husband. So does this make a man with a child more marriage worthy? Does having a child mean that he is even more ready for long-term commitment, even with the extra baggage?
He just might be. While, on my end, there is no talk of running down an aisle anytime soon, as the relationship progresses, who knows what may happen. Naturally, there would be hiccups; when disagreements occurred between the exes, this stressed out my guy, which in turn affected us, but we worked it out. In this type of relationship, things can also become even more complicated than they already are, so communication is key.
All you need to do is take a deep breath, and make sure you can handle all the other variables that come along with this relationship.