It seems like you may have finally found your soul mate — the person who will stick by your side through good times and bad times, through sickness and health. But is he really the one, or are you just being blinded by his good lucks or gentlemanly charm?
Before you start seriously dating someone, you need to take the time to figure out if he really is a good match for you, or if you have just been turning a blind eye to some tell-tale, ominous signs. Here are the top ten things that you should know about a guy before you start dating him.
Consider it a research project. Your job is to collect all the data and come up with an informed decision based on your findings. To date or not to date? That is the question! How Does He Treat Strangers? At a restaurant, does he berate the waiter for bringing him a regular cola instead of a diet one? If upon leaving the restaurant you walk by a homeless person, does your date pull out whatever spare change he has in his pocket, or does he mutter rude and condescending remarks under his breath?
CEO Bill Swanson has written much about this topic. What is His Value System? Clearly a boob guy. Everyone has a set of ingrained beliefs and values that help to guide their behavior and decisions. They are the tenets you grew up believing and that deep down inside still seem to fit into your life no matter what else changes. Unless it is a deal breaker for you personally, someone with a different religion than you could still be a great match.
People from different religious backgrounds get married all the time and raise children with traditions taken from both religions. Try to understand how he views the world and those around him. Does he believe he has a purpose in this life, and if so what is it? What guides him in making tough decisions? In fact, that might be boring. But you do have to be able to understand where the other person is coming from and see if you can relate to it.
Morals, on the other hand, should be non-negotiable. After all, you want to be with someone who brings out the best in you, not the worst. Are you on the same relationship page? Before you start a relationship with a guy, you want to understand what he views as a great relationship. When he envisions himself in a relationship, what does it looks like?
Does he envision a doting partner who puts his needs first? Does he picture a woman who has dinner ready on the table when he gets home and recognizes him as the head of the household? If so, he may not be the ideal match for you. Think about how you want to define your roles and find someone who complements that vision. When he pictures a relationship, does he assume that it comes along with constant nagging and fighting?
Or does he believe a relationship will be saddled with doubt and jealousy? Perhaps he believes that a loving relationship means never having a fight or a disagreement? One of the ways that we view relationships is based on what we witnessed from our parents. In fact, many people grow up clearly wanting the exact opposite type of relationship that their parents had. On the other hand, some people were lucky enough to grow up with two parents who shared an amazing love together, and they want to emulate that in their own life.
Does he Fight Fair? Never go to bed angry or concussed. Good conflict resolution skills can be the cornerstone of a good relationship. Every relationship is going to have its ups and downs, and problems will arise as your courtship progresses. According to a survey conducted by YourTango. However, you can learn about how he has handled conflict in the past and try to gauge how he deals with arguments.
Is he the type to scream and shout at the top of his lungs to get his point across? Does he belittle or berate during an argument?
Does he lie when his back is up against the wall? Does he become defensive? Does he storm off in a huff? Does he become fragile and insecure? Does he become cruel or aggressive? Is he quick to apologize? Does he try to keep the peace at all costs? Clearly there are many ways to fight, but some tactics lead to more productive outcomes than others.
For instance, if you are a fiery woman known to fly off the handle at the slightest thing, then you might respond well to someone who is slow to anger and quick to apologize. If you have a severe case of wanderlust, then you might be perfectly suited with a guy who spends his summers traveling.
If you are an athlete at heart, you might find some friendly competition with another athletically-inclined guy. If you love the fresh mountain air, then dating a guy who enjoys hiking or skiing might be just up your alley. If you are in school part time and need to devote significant time to studying, then a guy who devotes a night every week to his bowling league might be the perfect person to keep from causing distraction at home.
If you have a passion for volunteering and he spends a lot of his time at networking events, you could leverage your social circles to make a difference in your community.
You may also find someone who is passionate about something that is new and exciting to you. He could introduce you to a new hobby that could become a favorite of yours. Perhaps your guy has a motorcycle and you fall in love with feeling of the open road. What are His Physical Expectations?
Ok, I think we covered this one earlier. Some guys are boob guys. Everyone has a different mindset and comfort level in terms of how fast a relationship should move physically. If you are a gal who plans to wait until marriage to give yourself to a man, then you might not be compatible with a guy who sees sex as an important part of getting to know someone.
If you are both on the same page and know where each other stands, then you can avoid a situation where one party is putting themselves out there only to be rejected. By negotiating boundaries early on, you can tackle the issue before it becomes a problem.
A Business Insider Poll asked 1, single American men and women about their views on sex and dating. Since there is such an obvious discrepancy between expectations, learning them early on is important. What Kind of Future does He Want? Is he just looking for a fling? If you are going to spend your time dating someone, you should know what the desired outcome is. If you are only interested in a summer fling, this may not be important.
The first step is to have a clear understanding of what kind of future you want for yourself. Then you can learn what he wants and see if the two align.
Find out what kind of future your guy wants. Does he ever see himself getting married, or is he afraid of making a commitment like that? Find out what he wants out of his life. Does he desire a fast-tracked career where he will work tirelessly to climb up the corporate ranks? Does he gauge his success by how much money he makes or how many things he owns?
Maybe he grew up with 10 siblings and wants to raise a family just as large. The type of friends that your guy hangs with can give you a ton of insight into the type of person he is. Most people have a few close friends who each serve different purposes in their life. For instance, he may always go to one particular friend when he needs advice. Figure out whatever you can about their relationship to find out why.
Is this friend mature and wise and capable of dishing out practical advice? Are they a simply a good listener who lets him talk it out and figure out the answer on his own?
Do they give advice in a tough-love fashion, or do they coddle and indulge? In this way, you can learn what type of person he values and trusts. Similarly, learn what you can about the friends he hangs out with most, and look for what attracts him to them. Does he hang out with energetic people who are the life of the party? Are his friends intellectuals who love nothing more than debating the latest in politics or art?
Are his friends witty and funny, constantly cracking jokes to keep everyone laughing? If you share some of these personality traits then you two are likely to hit it off too. And if you can see yourself being friends with his friends, then you are likely a great match. Does He have an Ex-Wife or Kids?