He is also very persistent. And before you start marching me down the aisle I will say that he is a nice guy and will be a nice friend. So there you go. He called to ask if I wanted to go watch a soccer game with him. He said it would be fine if she came with us. Sounds like a hoot. Because I was afraid to put Kadi on his motorbike, we decided to meet at my co-workers house at the edge of town and he would show us how to get there.
See, I do NOT love going into town. And by town I mean the four intersecting streets that have nearly identical booths selling nearly identical things. I feel like a freak of nature. And I hate it. So here we are, walking down the street.
Let the rumor mill begin! We were walking down one of the main streets when all of a sudden a man about 50 feet ahead of us coming towards us started shouting.
I kept telling him sorry, I have to go but he was still holding on. Fortunately I took a self -defense class when I was in high school and was able to do a quick release to escape.
We quickly reached the place where the game was being held. As we walked through the door my friend handed him some money and I was faced what appears now to be the universally awkward dating question…who is paying?
I paused, not sure if I was supposed to pull out some money, not sure how much it should be even if I did pull out some money. Did it cover her? I stood there for a minute unsure and then just walked in. They could come arrest me if they wanted. As we walked into the room, my heart sank.
There was not a single other girl in the entire room. Well, aside from the four year old in a frilly dress that was clinging to me. Lord give me strength. He found us some seats and as we sat down I started taking in my surroundings. And Africa with zero air circulation is…. Fortunately, as the sweat started pouring down my face, arms, back, etc. I had a four year old who was pointing it out to everyone.
Cute shirt, dressy capris, and buckets full of sweat. Shortly after we arrived it was half-time. Everyone started standing up to go outside. Because did I mention how hot it was in there? My friend offered to go get us some drinks so he left and we waited there. I debated getting up and going to wait outside….. The suffocating heat staying of staying inside, or the curious stares and attempts at small talk with a large group of guys if I was to go outside.
My friend came back with our drinks and the second half began. Oh, and how do you keep her from shouting and continually kicking the guy in front of us? For awhile, she was content drinking her soda. I need to PEE!!!!!!!! How do you know which bush is appropriate and which will get you angry, condescending stares from your neighbors??? As I sat there mulling it over, Kadi started getting restless.
She wanted up, she wanted down. She wanted to sit on my right side, on my left side, on my lap. Finally she noticed some trash on the ground and started playing with it. And still trying to keep her from kicking the guy in front of us. How long do soccer games last? I played when I was younger but since then have had little to zero interest in the sport and was wracking my brain to remember.
I got it in my head that it might be 90 minutes and started watching the clock more than I was even watching the game. Please, please, please just let us make it through without something horrifically embarrassing happening.
As the time reached 90 minutes and kept going, I was distraught. How long are these games?!?!?!?! Fortunately, a few minutes later everyone started standing up.
And best of all, with minimal humiliation! As soon as we walked out of the building, Kadi told me she had to pee. I was really unsure of what to do so I asked my friend. He pointed to the place we should go and she went fine.
He said he wanted to take me up to show me his office and then we would loop back around to go to my house. As we were walking up to his house, it turns out that he knows everyone. Every single person in this town. No flying under the radar with this guy. We reached his office which also turns out to double as his house. We went inside and were chatting. I asked her to wait. Fifteen minutes later she came up and asked me again. She proceeded to have the largest, longest bout of diarrhea that I have ever heard.
And while I am almost never without it for just such occasions, I was utterly unprepared. No toilet paper you might ask? What do they do? Well, at the hospital whenever you see someone walking with a little plastic tea kettle you know that that tea kettle is filled with water and they are off to have a bowel movement and will use the water in said tea kettle to wet their hand and…clean themselves, splashing large amounts of water on their bums.
Fortunately my friend came to the rescue and asked if I wanted water or tissues. Thank you Jesus for tissues!!! See how much Jesus loves me??? After her exhausting time on the toilet, Kadi promptly fell asleep it was 7: We chatted for a little while longer and then headed back to my house where we called it a night.
And please never make me do it again!