It happens to all of us! Well you really must NOT do anything when the couple of love birds are together, that is a no-no when it comes to the rules of dating and friendship. But what about when the two go their separate ways…what to do then? That looks awful and breaks the hidden dating rules on mating and friendship. If they are worth it and ethical they will understand! If not then move on! So how long should you leave it until you make a move.
How about a month or so to be sure. You need to leave it at least a couple of months for this period of potential re-engagement to pass. The next thing is do you ask the best friend or friend how they feel about you dating their ex? Try and organize a public place, a cafe or a pub where the two of you can meet and discuss in a private corner what is taking place. It needs to be somewhere in public but where you can talk without being overheard but safe and on neutral territory.
Remember your friend has probably just experienced a huge defeat, a loss of face, and you are the winner in their eyes. If you have the option of telling your friend and this is the right way if it is safe for you tell them as soon as possible. Remember providing you feel safe, it is probably best letting them know since they will find out, one way or the other eventually.
Even if you do this nowadays with the global world and Facebook connectivity we all live with, it is pretty hard to not be tracked down. This really only applies when you think the friend will be so devastated or may pose a risk to you or their ex. You need to assess that before deciding your plan of action.
Make the move towards your friends ex only if you are sure they feel the same way or even contact you! Going from there here are a few pointers if you decide your feelings for them outweigh the risk of losing your best friend! Now it is over you would still like to keep seeing them. Avoid the big passionate come on since this is tacky and seems like you have just been waiting to do this all along.
To say you want to keep seeing them in some context shows you genuinely like them. They will respond to this if they like you in some way or in the same way you like them.
Agreement Make a pact between the two of you to lie low even after the 2 months they have split from your friend. The two of you can make an active choice to avoid running into your friend and their ex! Maybe it is a case of going to different parts of the city, other cities, vacations away at weekend , staying in although that may not be the solution of your friend starts stalking their ex and this is unfortunately not uncommon these days. Better to go to new places that your friend never went to.
Do not go to the same parties where a scene is likely to occur or at the very least your friend may feel humiliated and upset! Put yourself in their shoes! This way the friend can gradually get used to the new situation and dynamics if they do get to see you out and around town together, something that will happen eventually. Ask Others Ask other people close to your friend how the friend is taking your going out with their ex.
It has to be emphasized here that if the friend is really jealous, cut up, talks about harming you or the ex you need to take precaution.
This is not the norm but it is not as rare these days as it once was. We live in a society of broken dreams, of people being told they can have anything they want and then finding their is a massive discord. This includes relationship breakdown so proceed with the relationship with caution. Any warning bells seek advice or cool down or end the relationship! Be Friends Try and maintain a friendship with the friend if you can.
If they ask about you and their ex, be friendly. Be Aware Continue to keep a close eye on how your new partner feels.
You want to know this relationship is real and not just a fantasy for them. Sometimes the jealousy and desperation can occur months after the split and is often triggered by other worsening external factors Loss of parent, loss of job , bankruptcy or even the loss of a pet.
Observe how your friend interacts with you both and try and sensitively talk to them about how they feel honestly about you dating their ex. Aside from the potential stalker, extreme jealousy and worse scenarios you need to accurately assess how the relationship is impacting your once and hopefully still precious friendship. Usually by this stage the friend will have accepted the new status quo of you going out with their ex.