ARC received from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. I think I had expected this to be a little different from what it was. Wendy Newman is direct and clear in her advise and gives you some helpful guidelines on how to handle the online dating life.
I think I had secretly been hoping for some more funny date stories that she's had. In this case most of her anecdotes served to nicely wrap up a story thread or chapter and served a functional purpose.
The description of this book was initially ARC received from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. But I can definitely see it being a helpful guide to people and be the pick-me-up some people need after a long and fruitless search online. I noticed right away that Wendy would say one thing but sadly not follow her own advice I guess that's why she's the author and I'm writing about her book in review however, we can take away from her misfortunes.
Oh and by way I'm glad she did find Dave in the end even if she had to go through other men to get to the point of happiness. However I was looking forward to reading about online dating since I divorced 3 yrs earlier to a malignant abusive narcissistic spouse of a 11 yr marriage. However, for me it just didn't sit well. Her suggestions about not dating newly divorced men but then dating separated me didn't jive.
Her idea about FWB's is not my cup of tea no pun intended. I certainly wouldn't recommend dating an ex con even with second chances and would be extra cautious with children residing in the home as is my case.
Now look, nobody's perfect. We all have our faults and we all have our own baggage ty jerry springer. However, in this day and age ladies need to be extra careful. I am old school with strict Catholic upbringing. I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, tight skirts or revealing tops, heck staying out late beyond midnight was a no - no.
I grew up with 3 brothers and they monitored my dates like hawks. If they were lucky to get beyond the rotary dialed phone calls back than in the 90's dated at 18yo than they had to make it to the main event my dad. Needless to say many men didn't make it to the main event. Now as for us women we need to raise our bar and not settle for less. I don't believe men want an easy target or someone who is willing to be what they want to be.
We should all be ourselves. We shouldn't lose part of who we are to trying to aim to please others. We shouldn't dummy down but rather expect men to rise up to our standards.
I made some mistakes ok a ton when dating. I dating at 18, met and dated , and had about 4 significant longer relationships the last guy I married Dave ironically same name as the author's husband.
I was romantically involved with only 2 or those guys the latter I married. I know brownie points here Empty promises and broken dreams leads to nightmares. He sold himself and did it well. He had as Wendy notes the bullet point lists that I once had made before dating. He was smart, well educated, had a job, lived and worked away from home 5 states away and he seemed to have friends, family, and good social life.
He was financially well off or so I thought and seemed to be the entire package. Well needless to say as hindset is he was not who he sold himself to be. He was not a pillar of the community. He was not faithful or committed but a womanizer with constant wandering and flirting. Oh and infidelity is his middle name. He was not a hard worker but was hard working at other areas of life that involved winning the hearts of many. Let's just say he was a disaster.
This is why Id like to note here that staying friends with an ex spouse such as a narcissist or personality trait disordered person is not recommended. No contact, strong boundaries, and direct comment by email or third party is a must. Luckily for wedding she didn't seem to encounter too many of these cons in her dating experience but they are out there.
Now as for letting the guy lead. Heck I'm a strong woman. I love a gentleman. I love a man who knows what he wants and can say more than 2 word come ons. A man who is strong has no problem letting a woman take the reigns.
In fact I think men would prefer a more vocal woman than one who goes along to not upset the cart. As for women many of us have low self esteem and low confidence.
If we are not Cindy Crawford we have a complex. We often have had our hearts broken and the mind games that people play on us is just darn awful.
We may feel we are to blame and it's this self shaming, blaming, and loathing that creates the problems we encounter today.
I'd like to say to not only your readers here but to my own on my page The Lost Self Life After Narcissism that it's best to stay true to you.
Uncover your true authentic self is my most common phrase used on my own self help page that'd I'd like to share here. Don't ever blame yourself or live in the past.
Keep moving forward and don't repress those built up emotions that may have plagued you for years. Whether it was early child abuse, defective parents, toxic friends, terrible exes, whatever your past leave it in the past as it has nothing new to say.
Now should women go on dates and wait for men to respond? Well depends but I'm not waiting around to be silenced. I'm one who believes in give and take. Not constant one sided relationships which seem to involve lots of sex, and immaturity, while tending to everyone else's needs but our own.
Look ladies, men should want to give just as much as they take. It shouldn't be all on us to create the perfect life fit for a King. It's the 21st century and the stay at home mom who's ignored by the spouse while raising the kids is not ideal. I would know as I was left wo income , assets, savings, credit, or employment after I myself gave up career for child rearing which by way was mutually agreed and cost effective.
So I say be who you want, go after the career, have the children, adopt if unable, date if you want, marry if you prefer. Wendy did have some good points: Check those dates backgrounds by using google pics. I'd go one step further and ask their name and check everything online using cell or name for further safety. I'd also say to be talkative and not live cocooned into thinking you can only meet someone when the stars align. Make yourself available and sign up for those events that interest you.
Go to the gym and workout and stay active and healthy. I do all these things and more. I have met some nice guys and some really doozies. Some had fetishes, some hid their profiles immediately after the infamous wink or photo like. Some didn't care what they had acquired so long as it was alive and breathing.
I'm sure their is a match out there for everyone and I for one don't need a man to fulfill me or complete me but it would be nice for one to add to me. I'm a whole person and expect to find a whole other person. I wouldn't recommend going to a man's house on a first date nor would I recommend being with a man who is into excessive hugging and kissing on a first date but lord they find me. I think we will all know when we meet the "one" if such a word exists.
My favorite comment by Wendy involved the yoga pants gal. We've all been there haven't we? So go ahead and do your thing and be happy with who you are and what you possess and the right man will be more than happy to climb that mountain to reach the top. Don't wait for it, don't expect it, just be who you are meant to be. Fulfill your dreams and if it includes a significant other for you than fantastic.
With all my love to all in the crazy dating world.