Napoleon Dynamite[ edit ] You know like numchuck sic skills Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills! I caught you a delicious bass. Do the chickens have large talons?
Pedro offers you his protection. I forgot to put in the crystals. Yeah, there's like a boat-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join 'cause I'm pretty good with a bo staff. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.
Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it cause I can't fit my nunchucks in there anymore. It took me, like, 3 hours to finish the shading on your upper lip.
It's probably the best drawing I've ever done. Are you guys having a killer time? That's what I do. What the heck are you even talking about? You got like three feet of air that time. Can I try it really quick? Tina, you fat lard! Come get some dinner! Tina, come get some ham! That's like a dollar an hour! I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys.
Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip! Kip[ edit ] [Whispering while typing] I love the way your sandy hair floats in the air To me it's like a lullaby I'm just flying by I'm just getting kinda TO'd. I mean, she hasn't even sent me a full body shot yet. How 'bout some gold bracelets? I've been out making some sweet moolah with Uncle Rico.
Lafawnduh is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Don't worry Napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe out there for you too. Why do you need me? We met in a chat room, now our love can fully bloom Sure the world wide web is great, but you, you make me "salvivate" Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see But I still love technology Our love is like a flock of doves, flying up to Heaven above Why do you love me? Napoleon, let go of me!
I think you're bruising my neck meat! Geez, I think you ripped my mole off. Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes, all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter. After one week with me in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man. So come down today for your free-trial lesson!
Bow to your sensei. My name is Rex. If you study with my eight-week program, you will learn the system of self-defense that I developed over two seasons fighting in the Octagon. It's called Rex Kwon Do. I need a volunteer Now, in addition to what you just saw, if you study with my eight-week program, you're gonna learn these things.
First off, at Rex Kwon Do, we use the buddy system. No more flyin' solo. You need somebody watchin' your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. Last off, my students will learn about self respect.
Do you think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Just break the wrist, and walk away. Break the wrist; walk away. Uncle Rico[ edit ] How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?
Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would've been state champions. No doubt in my mind. Napoleon, you know we can't afford the fun pack! What, do you think money grows on trees in this family? And get some Pampers for you and your brother while you're at it.
Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile. Your grandma took a spill at the sand dunes today. Hey, you guys wanna see my video? Kip, I reckon you know a lot about What are you going to do today, Napoleon? Whatever I feel like I wanna do. Ties a string to his action figure and chucks it out the window Napoleon: What are you doing here? I'm waiting for Kip. Your current event, Napoleon. Last week, Japanese scientists explaced Sir Court Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its residents, and all those who seek a peaceful existence with our underwater ally.
What did you do last summer again? I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines! Did you shoot any? Yes, like 50 of 'em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that? What kind of gun did you use? A frickin' twelve-gauge, what do you think? Hey, can I use your guys's phone for a sec? Is there anything wrong? I don't feel very good. No, she's getting her hair done. What do you need? Can you just go get her for me?
I'm really busy right now. Just tell her to come get me. Well, have you talked to the school nurse? No, she doesn't know anything Will you just come get me? Well, will you do me a favor then?