Dear Wendy is a relationship advice blog. You can read about me here , peruse the archives here and read popular posts here. You can also follow along on Facebook and Instagram. Last summer we met a really hot guy at the pool in our apartment complex. Upon meeting him, my friend had a love-at-first-sight reaction while I was mildly attracted to him at best.
Since she was really into him, she asked for his number. From the summer months into the fall she got closer to him by inviting him over to our place for dinner occasionally and hanging out with him outside our place or over at his. I started to get attracted to him and enjoy his company but maintained my distance out of respect for my girl. During the fall they went on a couple of dates and later hooked up twice.
I, being friends with both of them, warned each of them that she gets emotionally attached quickly and that they should proceed with caution. After their second hookup he cut off contact with her and began to ignore her completely! She was understandably upset and told him off accordingly. She said it was true she was in love with him.
In an effort not to hurt her he decided to leave her alone. Months passed by and he and I remained friends. We never went on a date and we maintained casual text conversations only occasionally. I partied really hard the night before as any awesome single girl would do, which resulted in a hangover. I accepted because, after he and my friend called it quits, I made no effort to hide from my BFF that I wanted to sleep with the guy. She confessed she still had feelings for him and that I was no friend if I hooked up with him knowing that she likes him.
He and I then hooked up and we really hit it off. He gave me the same speech he gave her about how he is emotionally unavailable. I accepted his proposal for a casual hookup situation because I am an emotionally unavailable woman. I thought having a FWB would be the perfect arrangement!
I was so wrong…months into it he starts telling me he really likes me. I figured his like for me was outpacing my like for him. I finally let him take me on a group date one night where he introduced me to his friends for the first time. Since we were just casual, I felt no reason to act like a potential girlfriend during the evening. I even hit on another man while we were out.
New guy gave me his number and I promised to follow up. I told him that was fine with me. However, I also made it clear that he would lose any sexual benefits from me by messing with my friend again but that he and I could remain friends, no hard feelings. He countered by accusing me of catching feelings!
I was angered by his arrogant assumption that I caught feelings for him and his audacity to hit on my friend after he had acknowledged the level of disrespect such a thing would be to me. Why on earth would you pursue someone your best friend had fallen for and explicitly asked that you leave alone? This is your chance to make a change. Make the feelings of others a priority.
Apologize to your BFF. Cut off contact with the hot neighbor. Practice opening up emotionally and being vulnerable so that you can better empathize and connect with others. Not only will your friendships be deeper and richer, but eventually when you ARE ready for a true relationship — one that goes beyond just hooking up — your heart will be open to that opportunity and will attract others who are equally open and ready.