Thanks so much for listening! This would not be a good interview to listen to. Make sure you have earbuds in if the kids are around because there is quite a bit of swearing. I just wanted to warn you in advance — either listen to it now, if you have no children in the room, or wait until later. Alright, have a good day — take care. Welcome to the Eventual Millionaire podcast — with your host, Jaime Tardy.
Real talk and real advice from real millionaires, with a sharp focus on you — the Eventual Millionaire. Welcome to Eventual Millionaire. Tucker is a bestselling author three times over. Thanks so much for coming on the show today, Tucker. Thank you for having me. I know, this is awesome. Thanks so much for inviting me over. I have some questions for you. How many years ago was it that you were on his couch? So that was or and I was sleeping on his sofa and working in west Texas oil fields.
That must have been super cool. Tell me about how crappy it was. Those are kind of like the wildcat or pumpjack guys and those are the dangerous but kind of cool jobs. Pick up the pipe and move it over there! Seriously, I was doing the lowest physical labor on pumpjacks and oil derricks in west Texas. How much did you make? Charlie is, Charlie Hoehn. I know, I love Charlie. So how do you go from that to where you are now? You get real drunk and you shit your pants and then you write stories about it that other people think are funny.
That is a very good question. Some of it was awesome but none of it was that unique. I was the first person to really take the stuff that we all do in our 20s and write it down in a way that other people liked and enjoyed and then I put it up on a website and then a long, long story became a book and then a movie and I sold millions of books and here I am.
I took something that everyone did and I made it into a consumable piece of entertainment that other people liked. So tell me, do you think that skill was innate or was it something that you learned? No, I definitely did not. But were you always a writer, like when you were younger? I interviewed with McKinsey and Bain and all those other consulting groups. I could have gone to work for one of them. Instead, getting drunk was way better.
And then, actually, I went to law school. So I did undergrad econ at the University of Chicago and then law school at Duke. Being a writer was the furthest thing from my mind — the furthest thing. I would never do this. Do you want the whole story? So during law school — and this story is actually in my first book too, the funny part of the story anyway — between year two and year three of law school you intern at a law firm and then, generally speaking, you get an offer.
They pay you a stupid amount of money over the summer and then you go and work there when you graduate. There are hours in a week and you spend of them in the fucking office. Basically what happened was I got fired after three weeks. Long story short — I got the senior female partner in the firm to proposition me and then I turned her down and then I told everyone about it.
I did literally the two worst things you could do. If I had fucked her and told everyone I would have been fine; if I had turned her down and shut thefuck up I would have been fine. Instead, I did literally the worst combination. Thankfully it worked out for you. I made it work out. But I got fired and it was a very public thing. I probably could have gone and been a public defense or something like that but who wants to do that?
So you were completely screwed? Oh, I fucked the dog shit out of myself, no doubt. In every way possible. Anyway, so from there I graduated from Duke and went to work for my father — he owns some restaurants in south Florida and I was sort of running this restaurant company and after a year he fired me from the family business. That takes a lot. I did a lot. I got fired from the family business by my father. You got fired a lot. So my dad fired me. How do you come back from all of this?
Publicly — in the most public way possible. Then your family business, which is a little bit ridiculous. You might as well. Apparently it worked out well for you. I made it work. After I got fired from those two things there was basically nowhere else for me to go — I trained for business and law and I got fired unrecoverably for both things. What does my resume look like? This was back when e-mail forwards were a thing. Well even before I got fired I just hated the job and so my whole existence was banging awful, vapid girls that I hated and writing e-mails that made my friends laugh.
So I had nowhere else to go — I had to put my stories up on the internet, and remember, this is or so Geocities is about to be bought by Yahoo! This is way before Myspace, before Facebook, before Twitter.
I had to learn how to program a site in HTML, which is not hard. I used to work for an internet service provider and it was awful. It was just text, nothing else.
You were way ahead. So I put up my stories and then sent an e-mail to my friends and bit by bit by bit I got a little bit more traffic, a little bit more, and this is still — most people were not on the internet in This MTV producer found my site because she was friends with someone who had read the stories, thought they were funny, they did this documentary about internet dating and I was one of the guys in it and the site blew up from there.
I used her name and she sued me. I ended up winning the case, it was a big first amendment case, it was actually a really big deal, it was on the front of the New York Times and everything. I won the case but it was kind of like Barbra Streisand syndrome — you try to shut it down and everyone hears about it, so it blew up from there.
Give us the timeframe and traffic numbers on it, though. I was getting visitors per day, probably, before MTV and then MTV crashed my server over and over but once it got stabilized it was anything from , a day — and this is , remember.
And after Miss Vermont sued me I was peaking at anything from , readers a day. It was a long, winding road from there, too. Were you making money from it at that point, though? I was in the worst situation — I was like what Vine stars are now or something. I remember it well. What were you doing for money before that? While it was really popular were you still broke? I was broke as a joke. The real truth is that I was, for the most part, not making any money.
I did put a collection of my stories on, I think it was iUniverse or Lulu, one of those self-publishing websites, one of them existed then and I put a collection of my stories together into a self-published book. There were other odd jobs every now and then, like I would host speed dating stuff in Chicago and mostly the way that I ate, especially good quality protein, was I would meet five different girls at once, maybe not at the exact same moment, but at the same time and maybe three or four of them were below my standards but I would keep them around because they brought food over all the time or I would go over to their place to eat or I would make them take me out.
I was good with women before but I got to be great with women when I realized that if I wanted to drink tonight I had to figure out a way to get a girl to buy me a beer. It was sink or swim, motherfucker.
Good to know now, when I launched my book two months ago.