Relationship and sex coach. Contact him at ken kenblackman. Mar 13 Men want sex and women want love? Men want sex and women want love. Or taking it a step further: Here are a few things to consider. When it comes to supplementing or substituting for a lover, men and women utilize different tools.
For women the most common tool is a vibrator. Whereas men tend to use porn. In the parlance of the sex toy industry, women buy toys that stimulate, men buy toys that simulate. Or they hire a prostitute. Seems like men are seeking real, depicted, or simulated other human beings to share the experience with…?
This has been known for decades but a recent study adds a valuable distinction about where the gap falls. This is worthy of a separate article, but in short it appears that women who have sex with men experience the orgasm gap. Women who have sex with women, not so much. They orgasm at closer to the same rate as men. The machinery itself is perfectly capable.
Also, straight men and straight women are at the extremes. Another study used eye-tracking to follow the gaze of people watching porn, to determine what parts of the scene had their attention. Guess what the men in the study were looking at the most? If climax were the goal, well, most healthy adult males can do that until the cows come home. But there can be something lacking in that experience, a missing ingredient. In short, men are seeking connection.
Women typically have no shortage of available and willing partners — if simply having a partner was all that was needed — but again there can be something lacking in the experience, often profoundly so. So they have easy access to as much empathetic pleasure as they could ever want — and can easily end up defaulting to that, with mostly vicarious enjoyment in sex — but what they hunger for, the missing nutrient, is direct, somatic, bodily pleasure.
National Sample [ link ] 2. Sex differences in viewing sexual stimuli: