What are 20 tips about courtship? Dear Jayne, This was such an excellent request. I hope that the following 20 Tips for Women about Courtship will help to inspire you and others to holy romance when that time in life comes. Only consider courtship at a time in your life when you are ready to consider marriage.
Until that time—foster the virtue of friendship and hold off the romance until you are really ready for it.
Only enter into a courtship with a man whom you would consider marrying. She may end up marrying a man that she otherwise would not have. Enter a courtship to discern whether or not you are called to marriage with a certain man. Courtship is dating with a purpose.
Stay friends or acquaintances for the time being. Courtship is about prayerful discernment, which means you will decide either that God is not calling you to marriage with this man or that He is not.
Both outcomes are valid in a courtship! You need to foster prayer in your lives individually and as a couple. Base your courtship in the family: Family is an invaluable resource and such an integral part of who we are. You will learn much about each other by seeing how each other relates to family members. And your family, in turn, can give you much insight about the man with whom you are courting and his family, about you!
Love can be blind at times—family and friends can really help to correct our vision. If you are far from family, make every effort to get home and spend time with them.
And in the meantime, adopt a family friends from Church, for example to provide for you all the benefits of a family-based courtship. Items 6 — 15 deal with setting guidelines for yourselves from the very beginning of your courtship.
The following points will cover areas you should consider in those guidelines. Guard your hearts and do not dive emotionally into a courtship relationship head first. Give yourselves time to learn about each other. Do not open up all your intimate secrets, desires and longings to each other immediately—just because you are courting. Allow your relationship to grow naturally.
Keep the mystery alive by not revealing everything all at once. You need to be honest with each other, but that does not mean you have to reveal everything right away.
As the relationship grows, you will discover a natural pace for sharing those emotional intimacies. Decide what your limits will be and write them down. Remember that as you store up your treasures of physical intimacy before marriage—every sacrifice that you make to stay pure becomes a jewel for you to share with each other in marriage. At that time—you will be able to delight in the beauty of giving yourselves to each other completely and totally.
And your pleasure in marriage will be magnified by your time of waiting. To kiss or not to kiss: Are you going to allow for kissing or not? Kissing is NOT a sin. It is not bad. It does not mean that a couple is less virtuous in courting if they allow for kissing. It is a decision you make as you set your guidelines. So think through the reasons why you would choose to allow for it or not! Saving that first kiss: Many couples decide to leave kissing out of their relationship—as kissing has the power to ignite their passions.
They choose to wait until the altar for their first kiss. They also might be coming out of past relationships—where they are struggling to keep control over their passions. There are a variety of reasons why some couples choose this path. Some couples allow for kissing—but they limit how and when and where—which is wise if they want to keep it from stirring those passions that can be so easily ignited. Are you allowing for hugging—and in what context? Hugging is a completely acceptable and beautiful expression of affection, support and love.
However, prolonged hugging—while all alone and at times when you might be feeling weak like late at night —can stir passions. How, where and when you spend time alone: During courtship you obviously will want and need to spend time alone together. But how and where are important questions. If you are spending time alone late at night or in complete isolation, you may just find that your resistance to temptation is weakened.
Avoid the near occasion of sin. This is not to say that a couple who is courting will only stick to their goal of purity if they are NEVER alone together. But we are all weak at times. All it takes is one moment of weakness and be sure Satan will be watching for it for you to make a mistake that you could regret for a lifetime.
This is where we get into the whole issue of giving rise to scandal. The problem a couple faces here—even if they are strong enough to resist all temptation—is the impression they are giving to others. In this way you would not be helping to build the body of Christ by your good example. Rather, through the scandal you would have given rise to, you would have inadvertently led others to sin.
It is our sense of responsibility in the body of Christ that leads us to make the necessary sacrifices for the sake of others when we decide not to give rise to scandal. We all are more responsible when we are held accountable for our actions.
Make a list together of your resolutions and guidelines for your courtship and give that list to some mentoring couples and accountability partners. These could be your parents, other married couples from Church, friends, roommates, family members. Basically you are looking for people you trust and respect to be able to talk with openly about your relationship.
They should be able to ask you at any time how your are doing—if you are keeping your resolutions—and you need to be able to answer them honestly.
Along with this idea is the need for mentoring couples—ideally that would be your parents, but it is not limited to parents. They should be couples who can advise you on all kinds of issues related to marriage: Time to pray and time to play: But a couple should never neglect to be sure to allow for play time!
This season of life should be fun and filled with excitement and adventure. Keep the romance alive: Remember that courtship is a time of romance.
Enjoy dynamic, exciting, God-glorifying romance by seeking ways to give of yourselves to each other, to serve each other and to show your love for each other in simple ways. Romance—true romance—is about blessing the other by giving of self. So you see, the two go hand in hand. Couples who engage in an intensely physical relationship often lose out on this very point—because physical pleasure has become the focus of their relationship.
By converse, couples who do not distract themselves with physical intimacy have more time on their hands to spend creatively doing romantic things for each other and together—blessing each other with their loving deeds and gestures as often as they can.
Be active in your faith community: Courtship is a great time to grow in faith together—and to spend time together in your faith community. In this way your relationship is supported by like-minded people who will become for you that community that celebrates with you in times of joy, consoles you in times of grieving, and that lifts you up you in times of hardship.
We cannot live in isolation—we need that community to be there for us, which means, we need to be there for them as well. Be involved, have fun taking in events and activities together, volunteer service time together, and join in prayer groups and Bible studies together. These opportunities to spend time together, in a larger group setting, help you to learn much about each other by seeing how each other deals with a variety of situations and other persons.
There is a great deal that can be said about courtship. And each family will establish their own model—sometimes a different model for the varying circumstances of each child. What is import is that you discuss these things in the family and when the time comes in your life for courtship you will be prepared with an excellent game plan!
We remember our readers daily in our prayers. I ask that you would remember me, my family and this ministry of promoting purity in your prayers as well.