They probably told you how different you were to anyone else they've dated, how you were "the one," and you two were "meant to be. They spotted you, and they wanted to use you as their source of supply, and so turned on the charm using a technique called love bombing. It's when someone makes you feel like you're the most important person in the world, and they must be the one for you because they seem so perfect. If you feel a relationship is progressing too fast, then it probably is, says Stosny.
If someone has declared their undying love for you a few weeks after meeting them, and telling you you're their soul-mate, and they're making you uncomfortable, then the affection probably isn't coming from a good place.
It's not unlike a predator searching for its prey, because they knew they had to find someone weak who they could easily exploit. Having these qualities means you're more likely to see the good in the narcissist, before they turn on you. Sometimes, the narcissist may even have known about you before they started speaking to you.
They may have stalked you on social media or seen you around before they asked you out, because they were sussing out whether you'd be a good target. Instead, it is when they appeal to your sympathy. When they're trying to reel you in, a narcissistic person is likely to mention how badly they've been treated in the past. They may refer to past abuse in their life, or bad previous relationships.
This isn't to say what they're saying isn't true, but it's wise to be wary. The narcissist knows you are empathetic, and they know revealing personal information to you will probably make you feel like you're bonding with them.
In reality, they're usually just trying to create the illusion of closeness, and they will ultimately use it against you. After all, "I am sure that if the devil existed, he would want us to feel very sorry for him," Stout writes. It basically makes you, the victim, question reality because they're acting like a puppet master. Sarkis says there are several stages to gaslighting. It's like the "frog in the saucepan" analogy: They also deny doing or saying things which you know they in fact did say or do.
This all just adds to the confusion and makes you think you're losing your mind, Sarkis says. It's also common for them to use your family or friends against you by telling them you're going crazy, while simultaneously telling you not to see them anymore, creating more distance between you and those you trust.
This Jekyll and Hyde behaviour is common among narcissistic abusers, and they use it as a way to keep you in line. According to a blog post by therapist John G. The Hyde side of them will come out more often via put-downs, insults, gaslighting, lacking emotional or physical intimacy, withdrawing affection, disappearing, or blaming their target for their own behaviour, also known as projection. However, it's important to remember the kind, caring, romantic mask of Dr Jekyll you fell for probably didn't actually exist in the first place.
Now that you're totally depleted you are of no use to a narcissist, and so there's no reason to keep you around. Depending on whether they're looking to get further supply from your friends and family, Anderson warns in her blog post that they may turn to them for support. You may even find none of them believe your side of the story, because they're just as enchanted by the narcissist as you were. This is called a "smear campaign. Some of them go along happily with the schemes because they are sociopaths themselves.
Others have no idea what they're a part of because they're under the narcissistic spell. So you need to be vigilant — block them from social media, block their number, and block anyone you're both still in contact with. This is what's known as "no contact. This is because image is so important to them. Andersen says don't fall for it, as any happy reunion will eventually be replaced by an even worse ending than before.
If you think you may be involved in an abusive relationship, or would just like to talk to someone, there are helplines you can call, such as Living Without Abuse , Refuge , and Disrespect Nobody. Emotional, psychological, and mental abuse can be extremely difficult to recognise and hard to report; these support networks exist to help.