Lucy Scott May 26, 4: Now, as the dust is settling on what I see now was our inevitable breakup, we are both left reeling over the end of two different relationships — the romantic one and the friendship that used to be so strong. We bonded over our mutual love of writing, our equally-dark humor, and the way we both had a long list of ex-partners with funny anecdotes.
Eventually, after he got me a job at the bar where he worked, we began spending more and more time together.
We would go for coffee outside of class and work, we would call each other to talk about our days. There was no pressure with him. I could try on clothes in front of him and ask what he thought, without feeling even slightly self-conscious.
We talked about it a little, both realizing we were spending so much time together, doing all of the things that people in a relationship do…that it was as though we had fallen into coupledom without even realiszing. And, for me at least, it was never a choice. There was never a moment where I had to decide if I wanted to risk our friendship or not, because I already had.
And so that was it. At first, we took things really slowly. Everything felt very natural; it was never awkward transitioning from friends to being more than friends, and I thought that meant something. For a few months, we basked in the realness of it all. We had this amazing relationship, the likes of which neither of us had ever had before.
I was comfortable, completely myself, and I think I can easily say we were falling in love. But at some point, probably around the time that reality caught up with us, we both started missing our best friends. We spent less time doing exciting new things and more time staying in and watching Netflix just because that was easier.
And along the road, we lost sight of all the things we first liked about each other when we were just friends. It was really hard. There was a few weeks of back and forth when we would decide it was over just to go back to each other.
But eventually we called it, and I think it was for the best. As much as I would have loved us to have been right for each other, we never were. We were trying to be versions of ourselves that the other wanted us to be. Instead of wallowing and stalking his profile, waiting for a sign that he is moving on just to torture myself further, I started being proactive.
I already had a trip to Canada planned to visit my other best friend, Jade, which was something to really look forward to. I immersed myself in my writing. I started taking running seriously again, and both my body and my mind benefitted! And most excitingly, I began planning my summer, and booked flights to Madrid, Spain to become an Au Pair for two months — something completely out of character for me, but super exciting!
Ultimately, if we were friends once, we can hopefully be friends again if we give it enough time and grace.