It hurts when someone doesn't text you back. Rather than understanding that sometimes people are simply busy, our minds can jump to conclusions. This is actually pretty harmful, both to your mental state and your potential relationship. One reason we do this is because we tend to psychologically invest so much in the future.
With so much choice over how you can contact someone — texts, WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook messenger, Twitter DM, Snapchat — it can be pretty alarming when someone doesn't respond to you. They can like Instagram photos and Facebook posts, but they apparently can't conjure up the energy to message you back.
Cue your mind spinning out of control. No response, or being "left on read," hurts. But perhaps it isn't normal to be at each other's beck and call 24 hours a day.
People are busy; we have a lot on at work, and some of us feel like we need a personal assistant just to keep up with our own social lives. That's without taking time to go see family, exercise, and feed ourselves. They are not necessarily cheating on you. So why do we let ourselves get so upset? Advertisement According to psychologist Perpetua Neo , we have so much anxiety when we're waiting to hear from someone we like because we attach so much to the outcome.
She told Business Insider we might be getting carried away and thinking of our new love interest as "the one," when in reality, we know very little about them. Instead of thinking about what do you have in your life right now, you're thinking about what happens if this person isn't going to answer, and what happens if this future is not perfect? For some it'll be the embodiment of their soulmate. For others, it will simply be the next available person who can stop them worrying about the scarcity of love so they can hurry up and settle down.
Advertisement Of course, not everyone is going to be right for us. Some people just don't click. They're not all going to be all perfect people or even good people. But the point is to be able to know when to say goodbye to them, and to be able to recognise the red flags.
You could ask yourself if this is a running theme with everyone you date, or if it's a new feeling you've only had with this particular person. It can come down to your own insecurities "If it's a long standing pattern, then you've got to ask yourself: How can I face them? How can I use this as a chance to grow as a person? We think that they are destined to be with us forever, like a piece of furniture, or a limb. Neo said this makes you see them as a grotty old sweater you can throw away, rather than a limb you need to lob off.
Advertisement Obsessing is a hard habit to break, but Neo said that when your mind is wandering you should think about seeing a friend or trying out a new hobby rather than watching another episode of a brain-numbing Netflix show. You could even try just being comfortable in your own company, and "dating" yourself, as so many people are scared of just being by themselves.
Whether or not you're being dramatic, they act as a barometer for something that's going on. Sooner than you think, the anxiety will fade and you'll realise some people just text less than others. Maybe they have a lot going on. It's like staring into a crystal ball, and it's cracked. So next time he comes to you, you'll be in this really horrible passive aggressive mood.
Advertisement "It's okay if you say something like: But if you use your feelings, and blame them, then you are going to be extremely dramatic, and extremely annoying.