Sophie Saint Thomas Butt sex can be incredible — but anal sex demands respect. Somebody will get hurt. While anal sex from behind can feel marvelous and indeed provides fairly easy butthole access , it's neither the only nor the most pleasurable position for everyone. Advertisement But before you even choose a position and stick a penis or a strap-on dildo into an anus, you have to make sure that that anus is properly loved and cared for. That means starting small with fingers, butt plugs, or anal beads and moving up to a penis or larger dildos and using plenty of lube, since the anus isn't self-lubricating.
Usually, a silicone-based lube is your best bet for butt stuff, because the rectum absorbs water rapidly. But if you're using a silicone toy for anal stimulation, you're better off using a water-based lube. More on lube options for anal sex here. And of course, safer sex techniques, like using condoms or PrEP , should always be implemented if there are concerns about STI transmission, since anal sex is considered "the highest-risk sexual behavior for HIV transmission," according to the CDC.
Once you've got all of that down, it's time to choose a position. Ahead, some of our favorite anal sex positions that will give you a sense of the variety of options out there. Find one that's exciting and comfortable for you, and don't forget to communicate with your partner throughout to make sure you're both enjoying yourselves. The receiving partner has the control in this setup, and can set the pace and depth for penetration, which is ideal for starting slow in anal.
You can even start off your session by giving your partner an actual lap dance as foreplay. You'll get a better angle for penetration, and a lot of romantic eye contact, too. Advertisement 3 of 11 Seated Based on tantric meditation and sex practices , seated anal is all about intimacy and connection. The receiving partner sits facing the giver on their lap, which allows them to control the speed and depth of penetration.
Because of the closeness of this position, your movement will need to be a bit slower, which is ideal for anal sex. As sex educator and porn star Riley Reyes explains, having the receiver lay on their side keeps their body at its most relaxed, allowing the rectum to open up more naturally, and it gives you the most speed control.
Plus, you'll both have your hands free to guide the dildo, strap-on, or penis where it needs to go. With the receiving partner bent over, it's probably the best angle for the penetrative partner to see the anus and use their hand to help glide with plenty of lube their penis or strap-on dildo into their partner's butthole.
Speaking of strap-ons, having anal sex with a dildo is not just for two partners with vaginas. Since people with penises have prostates, those of all orientations can enjoy anal penetration.
When a woman penetrates a cis man with a strap-on, it's known as pegging , which many find incredibly pleasurable.
Regardless of your gender, genitals, or orientation, while anal sex can be sweet and romantic, if you want to go rough, doggy style is a wonderful way to do it. Having butt sex in missionary position is a delightful combination of rock 'n' roll and romance. Think of it like pairing a leather jacket with a tulle skirt.
As sex educator Charlie Glickman, PhD, once told Refinery29, you can add a pillow under the receiving partner's hips to help lift their pelvis to find the right angle of insertion.
It puts you in control. If you have a vagina, you may find that having a penis or strap-on dildo inserted into your anus is a far more intense experience than vaginal penetration. But when you're on top, you can control both the depth and speed of penetration. An added bonus of being on top during butt sex for people with vaginas is that you can easily rub your clitoris while being anally penetrated, which can lead to some serious orgasms.
Advertisement 8 of 11 Blossoming Anal Don't let the hardcore porn depictions fool you: Anal sex can be romantic, too. With blossoming anal the penis-in-vagina Kama Sutra version is called utphallaka , the receiving partner lowers their head and raises their pelvis, while the penetrative partner places their hands around their lover's hips. And both partners are able to make eye contact the entire time, which is great if you're craving intimacy. By working together to lift the pelvis, you can find an angle that allows for communicating and maintaining eye gaze.
And sometimes, poop happens, which is totally normal — your anus is the opening of your GI tract, after all. But understanding something is normal doesn't always quell embarrassment. With shower anal sex, you can rinse away any unwanted mess along with your anxiety. Just remember that it's not a good idea to wash your private parts with soap. Standing positions from behind work best for anal shower sex. Finding the right configuration depends on you and your partner's heights, but it might be useful to have the receiving partner bend over at first and place their hands on the shower wall for support.
Then, the penetrative partner can adjust their hips to find a comfortable angle of insertion they may need to squat and lift from the knees. An important note of safety: As The Kinsey Institute writes , showers that are too hot and steamy can break down latex condoms, and any oil-based soap or conditioner can also weaken latex condoms.
Thankfully, there are lubes specifically created to hold up in the shower, but to practice safer sex, only have penetrative anal sex in the shower with a partner if you're in a fluid-bonded, monogamous relationship and have both been tested for STIs and HIV.
Otherwise, stick to shower foreplay, and then towel each other off and move to the bed for penetrative sex though be mindful of STIs spread via skin-to-skin contact. If you want to bring penetration into the shower, perhaps the receiving partner could wear a butt plug the entire time you shower together as part of foreplay. An easy rimming technique is to spread apart your lover's butt cheeks with your hands and move your tongue in circular motions against their anal opening. Rimming is also a wonderful foreplay technique to arouse the receiving partner and prepare the anus for insertion if you plan to move on to penetrative anal sex after although rimming can certainly be penetrative if you get your tongue far enough in there.