However, using Monica for this speaks volumes of a greater truth because she missed her chance with her actual soulmate: People they date; their type 3. Soulmate on the show So without further adieu… Monica Geller 1. In every flashback with a fat Monica, she appears to be wholly content with her figure and her family life until Chandler entered the scene.
This was further paralleled in Rachel Green, her best friend. Being popular, Rachel would act aloof and play hard to get for boys; this distance, aloofness, and neglect is what Monica registered as love. She believes that you should be passive, not active in what you want. They respond to those accusations in earnest, believing themselves blameless for how she feels — they are right. Monica only feels unloved by her parents because Chandler twisted their nominal neglect into indifference the opposite of love.
Women tend to lose weight and develop eating disorders when they have a lack of control in their lives. Their weight becomes one of the few things they can control, so they regulate it with strict standards.
Phoebe moves out without telling Monica. This time however, Phoebe throws Monica for a loop, because Phoebe was being more friendly with her not aloof , but was just as dishonest as her parents, since she moved out. Her controlling behavior is directly tied with her competitive spirit. Monica wants to win to prove unarguable worth. No surprise, she has such strong convictions when it comes to competing with Ross, the older sibling who was actively loved by her parents. This is exactly why Chandler is not her soulmate, not only did he crush her concept of love, but her soulmate should make her feel less compelled to clean and less driven to control.
As the series plays out, Monica only becomes more neurotic married to Chandler. In short, Monica wants to date someone who can make her revert back to passivity, devoid of control and neurosis — since those were only developed due to a lack of love.
Her want of passivity is evidenced by the fact that she is a chef, despite not eating; when someone loves her for who she is — makes her comfortable in her own skin, then she can eat.
Unfortunately, her fears are only reaffirmed with her on-screen love-life. Again, these are men who are confident and active in their affection so that she can be passive and not worry about them being dishonest with their feelings see below: Because he comes across as honest, forward, and sincere, his manhood is directly correlated to her attractiveness as a person and she becomes comfortable.
Her self-worth is shattered. She dumps him because she wants to be the submissive one. When he writes a poem about her, she feels special, like maybe she found the right guy.
However, she brings this up to them — taking charge i. Everyone loves him… but she suspects that they only like him because she essentially told them to. She felt that her friends were being dishonest because she was upfront about her feelings. This is what makes Monica realize that taking control will only result in failed romance; she needs to be passive but secure. As seen from these examples, Monica is trying to repress her OCD. She wants to be passive, not controlling.
The most definitive relationship that elucidates this fact is Fun Bobby. Monica dates an old flame, Fun Bobby. This man is dominant, forward, and confident. Monica can relax… until she realizes that he has a drinking problem. She made him stop drinking and now he needs guidance. Selleck plays Richard purposefully grounded in reality, not hyperbolic — as many other sitcom characters are. Richard is such a rock, that Monica feels compelled to hide her OCD. In effect, Richard is active, upfront, and honest in his feelings and accepts Monica for who she is.
By accepting her OCD, Monica is given the opportunity to be comfortable in her own skin again and thereby, be passive. It shows a give-and-take, symbiotic relationship rather than one or the other — which all her previous lovers had featured. In addition, Richard is already established in a career and has only slept with one other woman.
While the love of another would normally causes suspicions, Richard says he would not sleep with Monica unless he was in love. This defined what love is to her. Is there anything more fitting? But alas, all the evidence is there to explain why these two are meant to be together… so what happened with Chandler Bing?
However, we can justify this when Richard and Monica break up. With Richard gone, Monica looks for the upfront, active, and honest emotions she always sought… but now with a new stipulation: In many ways, losing Richard makes her stronger albeit more neurotic. Then, she dates Chip Matthews which is essentially the high school senior Ethan all over again.
So, Chandler Bing works because he clearly puts Monica on a pedestal and is controllable in every way. One example is when she sings karaoke and everyone can see her nips, but she continues to perform for attention. And, as mentioned in your background, it is Chandler that caused her neurosis and does not accept her for it.