It's easy to understand why: A bigoted fear of fat bodies colors interactions between plus-size women and their potential partners. There's also the subtle — and sometimes overt — ways fat women disparage themselves. Plus, there's a lack of help available for fat women who want to date often and effectively. The internet is full of twisted advice on how to, essentially, take advantage of larger women by exploiting their insecurities for personal gain.
All of these stacked cards make it seem impossible for plus-size girls to find love. Seeming impossible, however, doesn't mean it actually is. Fat women should enter the dating arena with confidence, a vision for what they want, and tools that will help them find a partner who loves, cherishes, and respects them — and their bodies. So, here are nine tips from a big girl to big girls about dating and finding love: Take up as much space as possible.
We internalize those teachings, and it shows up in everything from using a pillow to cover our stomachs to avoiding clothing that isn't considered "flattering. When dating, take up as much space as possible. Wear the crop-top that makes you feel sexy. Don't order salad out of habit — instead, eat the food you want to eat. After all, you have to be comfortable with your body before expecting a potential partner to be.
Be willing to take risks — even if it might come with rejection. Make the first move. If there's a cute person you're attracted to, approach them. It's OK if you get rejected. You don't have to leap for the first person who shows interest. You are a hot commodity who's deserving of a partner that fulfills your innate sense of attraction. Furthermore, if you're not attracted to the person approaching you, feel free to say so.
So, from the beginning, flaunt your flaws. For instance, don't purport to be someone who prefers phone calls when you're really comfortable with texting. Let your partner know what your preferences are — and stick to them. Be confident about who you are and the quality you bring to a potential relationship. You are an asset to any person. Let that be known from the beginning. Push for the dates that allow you to be visible. There are some people who want to hide their plus-size dates.
It can be subtle, like never having dates in the daytime, or more overt, like only having Netflix and chill dates. Date people who aren't ashamed of your body. Recognize the difference between being desired and being fetishized. Spotting the signs of fetishization, like being encouraged to gain weight, being repeatedly referred to as a BBW, and having a lot of conversations that reference the size of your body, is important.
You want someone to be attracted to you, not obsessed with the fatness of your body — unless that's something you're interested in. Dump anybody who attempts to malign you because of your size. GIPHY Backhanded compliments , weight-related jokes, and any other behavior rooted in fatphobia shouldn't be tolerated — period. Your size does not make you a punchline or a punching bag. Be unapologetic about having sex, even if it's on the first date.
You're two consenting adults who shouldn't be anchored to sexist understandings of "purity" and morality. Of course, it's important to practice safe sex and openly communicate about sexual boundaries. Then, have fun and let loose in the no-judgment zone.