Each oppressed black person battles to affirm their social consciousness amidst a world of chaos read: Crying into your iPhone as you think of the Congolese who were forced to mine the contents, or hiding as you slip Shea Moisture products into your basket, hoping no-one sees you and forces you to re-watch that disastrous media campaign. And so, when I realised that the vast majority of my favourite black bloggers were in relationships with white men, you can imagine why I thought I was being paranoid.
I could not help but wonder if I was falling into the trap of being hypersensitive, and hyperaware about all things race. I concluded that it could only be a coincidence.
It all began with the first black blogger in whom I noticed the phenomenon sweeping the nation. The first blogger is a beautiful woman who owns a head wrap line I have purchased three. No need to discuss the shipping costs from America to the UK. She is a creative who graces Instagram with each artistic post. It was in one fateful post in which I saw her with her white bae. He is rugged and bearded. Not enough hand clap emojis to comment. And then there was another.
Literally another beautiful head wrap line owner, whose artistry is magnificent. But first, let me head wrap.
This queen also has a white bae. I was left questioning why all my favourite black bloggers are dating white men? I have compiled a list of reasons why I think my favourite bloggers, a. Appreciation Are woke white men more appreciative of black women than black men? A common debate that has been going around has been regarding whether black men are just interested in one type of black woman: Could it be that woke white men are more inclined to appreciate darker-skinned women than black men?
With the onslaught of societal pressure to conform to only one version of beauty perhaps black men, with their own pressure, are averse to women who represent beauty that is continually discredited. Realistically, an answer to this question is only ever going to be anecdotal. How can one possibly answer whether black men are more or less appreciative of black women, without interviewing thousands of black men and women?
What I do know is that, as black women, we have to convince ourselves that we are beautiful 10 times before we even leave the house. We are constantly in a pattern of uplifting ourselves, boosting ourselves, complimenting ourselves and it can become exhausting.
Black women with darker skin and kinky hair combat feelings of inadequacy from society and from within our own communities, due to the pervasiveness of colourism. Someone who appreciates you and is in awe of your beauty and looks at you as though you are a painting in the Louvre. Of course, you could question fetishization and exotic othering, but it sometimes must be nice to feel as though you are the original black Mona Lisa.
Internalised racism The number of dating sites matching white men with black women seems unnerving to me. I recognize that people have a preference when it comes to looks, but to only seek a person from one race amidst a history of a structural power division should not be exempt from arguments of internalized racism and self-hate.
When preference is coloured with years of viewing black men and women as inferior and not worthy of attraction let alone love, it is difficult to prove that preference is simply preference and not awash with racist undertones. And so, when black women specifically seek out white men, it is similarly difficult to prove that it is solely a preference and not as a result of internalized racism and self-hate.
If you are told on a daily basis that people who look like you are unattractive and undeserving of love, a natural reaction would be to seek out that which is being denied to you as a form of validation of self-worth.
To determine whether a love interest is a result of internalized racism would be near to impossible. How do you separate love from…love? You realistically date those who are around you, and maybe those people happen to be white. Even more so, you fall in love with a personality and that is devoid of racial boundaries.
However, in the search of wokebae, does he even need to be black?