Do you want to wait, or take control of your dating life? Should You Text Him First? Imagine you went on a date with a great guy. He was intelligent, kind, funny, and a joy to be around. Even better, he seemed to really like you, too! You have the proverbial butterflies and you can't wait to see him again as soon as you kiss and part ways. When you get home, you have the intense urge to text him, but you hesitate.
Should you text him first? He hasn't contacted you yet, so texting him would seem desperate, right? You don't want to seem desperate, of course. Common online and in-person advice encourages women to be kind of passive when it comes to "texting game.
The advice for guys is the same! Go online and have a look around for dating advice geared toward males. Men are encouraged just as much as women to feign disinterest and wait until the other party "chases" them. Do you see why there might be a problem there? We've turned into a society of people who are too afraid to show interest in each other. Both men and women might think that they're "playing the game," but really this is what's happening: It'll make me look bad, like I'm less of a prize.
It'll make him think that other men aren't competing for my attention and that I'm desperate for him. This will make him not respect me. Let me just wait by the phone and pretend I'm only casually interested. Women like it when guys act aloof, right? Let me wait by the phone and see if she gets back to me first. Why do people feel the intense need to hide these positive feelings, though?
What's with the paranoia about seeming "too desperate"? A human being will use any excuse to protect his or her ego from social annihilation.
You can rationalize it all you want, but at the end of the day you are afraid of rejection. You don't want to look bad. You don't want to seem like you don't have other options. You don't want to build the other person up too much by admitting that you like them.
You want the other person to view you in a certain light more than you want an honest connection. Coming on Too Strong Now, is there such a thing as coming on too strong? There are legitimately creepy things that you can do to seem genuinely desperate--but texting a guy first is not one of them.
All you're doing is sending a text message. It's not like you're climbing into his window in the middle of the night a depositing rose petals all over his bed while he's sleeping. As long as you're not doing anything weird like that, there are plenty of great reasons why you should text him first: He would probably be thrilled to hear from you first.
If he doesn't, then who cares? At least now you know. All your cards are on the table, and if he's a decent person, he will respond in kind by showing you all of his. Instead of playing a guessing game, you can take the first step to establish openness and honesty early on in the relationship. After all, if you start out by playing silly mind games, then don't be surprised if the games continue once you're past the dating stage.
The things that you do when you're first getting to know each other can set the tone for the rest of your relationship.
Have some social courage. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. This doesn't mean that you have to be pushy or weird, but it does mean that you have to be upfront. It means that you're not afraid to text him first if that's what the situation calls for. Lots of women seem to have the erroneous belief that men will be turned off by women who are obvious and upfront.
This is not true in most cases. An open and vulnerable woman or man, really is hard to come by. If anything, your guy will probably be impressed. Some guys may seem aloof, but really it's just that they don't take your hints well! She acted disinterested and even went so far as to be kind of cold towards me or so it seemed to me. Since I was bad at taking hints, I totally missed all the signs that she was into me and wanted me to make a move.
It was only until weeks later, when she was honest with me about how she felt, that it even dawned on me that she was interested. Because she ignored me, I had thought that she actually disliked me! Some guys are just bad at taking hints, myself included. No matter how long you wait for them to contact you, they may never make a move because they simply think that you're not interested.
It's simply what is socially accepted, and most women are just not willing to put themselves out there like that. More importantly, most women prefer to be led by the guys they date, not the other way around. However, not all guys got the memo on this one. For reasons of his own, your love interest may be waiting for you to text him first. It's possible that he doesn't want to bother you.
Maybe he's been rejected by women in the past who accused him of being "creepy" for merely showing interest. There are plenty of reasons why a great guy might be hesitant to text you first.
They avoid texting first, asking to spend more time together, and saying the first "I love you. You're sitting there, waiting for things to happen, instead of making them happen. If that's what you want, then great. Don't complain if your relationships go nowhere, though. The sooner you get the initial texting out of the way, the sooner you can use those phones to take couple's selfies.
Instead of "waiting at least three days" or, worse, sitting there and agonizing indefinitely about when this cool person will text you first, just break the ice already. Life is too short. Romantic interest in another person has a shelf life. If you delay acting on your budding feelings, things will cool down very quickly. If both of you are avoiding texting each other first out of a fear of vulnerability, eventually you'll start to forget all of the good feelings you felt when you saw each other.
Your fond memories will become tepid. Both of you will start to question why you liked the other person in the first place. Strike while the iron is hot!
Don't delay things so much. If he's taking to long to text you, then text him first and get things going.