Dating websites are rubbish. Online dating takes time and energy but it can work - here's one couple's story.



Dating websites are rubbish

Dating websites are rubbish

Tinder is a supplement, not a substitute, for approaching, and the results you get on it are not an objective assessment of your overall SMV. The vast majority of men can get hotter girls in real life than they can through online dating. In a small, prehistoric hunter-gatherer tribe, ascertaining the status of a given male is fairly easy for a female: The tribal leader - the alpha male, is obviously going to sit at the top of this pyramid and will enjoy tremendous reproductive success.

Fast forward to and it's not as easy any more for women to determine who's an alpha male and who is not. Predictably, rich, famous, and powerful men enjoy the most reproductive success in our society.

Elite athletes, male super-models, CEOs of successful companies, rock stars, movie stars. This is a no brainer, really. The men who occupy the very tops of these social dominance hierarchies generally receive the most reproductive success. Alas, most women will never be able to secure one of these men. They might receive a casual one-night-stand in a rock star's tour bus, but the odds of them securing a committed relationship and the provisioning of resources from one of these alphas is very low considering the sheer number of women they have to compete with.

So what about the rest of us? There's all sorts of cues that women look for in men which demonstrate higher sexual marketplace value. Pre-selection by other women, looks, height, fitness strength, muscularity, low body-fat, etc. I'm sure there's a few criteria I'm missing here that have an impact as well, but you get the gist. If you're picking up a woman in person, it's fairly easy for her to size up whether you possess these desirable traits in a short period of time.

In an alcohol fueled bar or club setting where normal social rules are relaxed and more sexually aggressive behavior from men is permitted, the process of determining a mate's suitability is accelerated. In these environments, most betas forfeit the competition without even entering. If they approach at all, they do so with hesitation, shyness, and visible insecurity, making it very easy for women to know they aren't suitable as mates. Fortune favors the bold in such environments, and by demonstrating alpha traits - regardless of whether they're genuine or faked - many men can get laid.

This is why, for the average dude, nightlife will always be your best chance at achieving short-term reproductive success, so long as you present yourself in the best possible manner looks, fitness, clothing and monitor your behavior to eliminate any visible signs of weakness having good game.

Okay, so by now you might be wondering, when the hell is this going to talk about Tinder? The thing I've been seeing with Tinder lately is that a lot of guys are using it as a crutch. They're too shy and hesitant to approach women in real life, so they just swipe right on Tinder and hope for the best. There are a couple really BIG problems with this strategy, though. Keep in mind that pre-selection by other women is one of the most powerful signals of sexual eligibility for men, and when you use online dating you're suggesting that you haven't been pre-selected.

Right or wrong, many women will consciously or unconsciously assume that you're going online because you can't get any in real life.

So right from the start, you've got a disadvantage which you need to overcome. You're fighting an uphill battle. A below-average looking, and B can't get any in real life so they need to go online not pre-selected.

From the very start you've dug yourself a hole you can't really get out of. The men who are the most successful in an environment like Tinder are the best looking ones. If you look like a supermodel, women aren't going to think you can't get any in real life - they know better than that. Women know that if you're that hot, other women want you.

Now, for the rest of us, don't get me wrong, you can definitely get laid on Tinder and online dating, but for most men you will - as a rule - receive women who are a lower SMV than you would otherwise be able to land in real life. There's virtually nothing you can do to signal a higher SMV on a Tinder profile besides looking better.

Of course, a few things can help: Pictures with animals also help to establish that you're approachable and non-threatening. But you're also going to be handicapped in the text-based conversations you have with women.

In face-to-face interactions, you have many more tools at your disposal with which to demonstrate higher value: In an online conversation, all of these aren't an option and you are limited to things like demonstrations of intellect and a good sense of humor, and even then it's harder to crack a joke with written words than in person, especially if it's taken the wrong way.

Let's take a look at the inverse. Whereas, just being on online dating is a DLV for most guys 'he needs to come online to get a date' , simply approaching a woman with confidence in public is a DHV for most guys 'he must be really confident to be so bold and decisive about approaching me'.

She's not going to assume you're approaching her because you can't get laid. If anything, she'll assume that, since you had the balls to approach her, you've got the balls to approach other women as well. And if you've got the balls to approach lots of other women, then it isn't much of a stretch to assume that you're getting laid, which demonstrates pre-selection and helps to create attraction.

Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't use Tinder or online dating. Go ahead and use all the tools at your disposal, I completely encourage it. However, use it as a supplement and never a substitute to your real-life pursuits of women - if you're find you're using Tinder as a crutch and an excuse not to approach women in real life, you might want to consider taking a break for a few weeks. Also, don't think that the girls you can get on Tinder are an objective reflection of your SMV.

If you're not matching with the hotties you really want, that doesn't necessarily mean they're out of your league and completely unobtainable. More than likely, it means they have their pick of virtually any guy they want on the site and are choosing only to match with the very best-looking men, since looks are pretty well the only criterion they have on which to evaluate prospective mates' SMVs.

Yes, for the best looking men, Tinder is a dream come true. But if you're not getting matched with all the hotties you want on Tinder, if you're getting matched with a lower quantity or quality of women than you would prefer, it doesn't mean you can't get those girls at all.

Either way, it just means you can't get those girls on Tinder. You'll have to man up, do it the old fashioned way, and endure some face-to-face rejections along the way.

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Dating websites are rubbish

Tinder is a supplement, not a substitute, for approaching, and the results you get on it are not an objective assessment of your overall SMV. The vast majority of men can get hotter girls in real life than they can through online dating. In a small, prehistoric hunter-gatherer tribe, ascertaining the status of a given male is fairly easy for a female: The tribal leader - the alpha male, is obviously going to sit at the top of this pyramid and will enjoy tremendous reproductive success.

Fast forward to and it's not as easy any more for women to determine who's an alpha male and who is not. Predictably, rich, famous, and powerful men enjoy the most reproductive success in our society. Elite athletes, male super-models, CEOs of successful companies, rock stars, movie stars.

This is a no brainer, really. The men who occupy the very tops of these social dominance hierarchies generally receive the most reproductive success. Alas, most women will never be able to secure one of these men. They might receive a casual one-night-stand in a rock star's tour bus, but the odds of them securing a committed relationship and the provisioning of resources from one of these alphas is very low considering the sheer number of women they have to compete with.

So what about the rest of us? There's all sorts of cues that women look for in men which demonstrate higher sexual marketplace value. Pre-selection by other women, looks, height, fitness strength, muscularity, low body-fat, etc. I'm sure there's a few criteria I'm missing here that have an impact as well, but you get the gist. If you're picking up a woman in person, it's fairly easy for her to size up whether you possess these desirable traits in a short period of time. In an alcohol fueled bar or club setting where normal social rules are relaxed and more sexually aggressive behavior from men is permitted, the process of determining a mate's suitability is accelerated.

In these environments, most betas forfeit the competition without even entering. If they approach at all, they do so with hesitation, shyness, and visible insecurity, making it very easy for women to know they aren't suitable as mates.

Fortune favors the bold in such environments, and by demonstrating alpha traits - regardless of whether they're genuine or faked - many men can get laid. This is why, for the average dude, nightlife will always be your best chance at achieving short-term reproductive success, so long as you present yourself in the best possible manner looks, fitness, clothing and monitor your behavior to eliminate any visible signs of weakness having good game.

Okay, so by now you might be wondering, when the hell is this going to talk about Tinder? The thing I've been seeing with Tinder lately is that a lot of guys are using it as a crutch. They're too shy and hesitant to approach women in real life, so they just swipe right on Tinder and hope for the best. There are a couple really BIG problems with this strategy, though. Keep in mind that pre-selection by other women is one of the most powerful signals of sexual eligibility for men, and when you use online dating you're suggesting that you haven't been pre-selected.

Right or wrong, many women will consciously or unconsciously assume that you're going online because you can't get any in real life. So right from the start, you've got a disadvantage which you need to overcome. You're fighting an uphill battle. A below-average looking, and B can't get any in real life so they need to go online not pre-selected. From the very start you've dug yourself a hole you can't really get out of. The men who are the most successful in an environment like Tinder are the best looking ones.

If you look like a supermodel, women aren't going to think you can't get any in real life - they know better than that. Women know that if you're that hot, other women want you. Now, for the rest of us, don't get me wrong, you can definitely get laid on Tinder and online dating, but for most men you will - as a rule - receive women who are a lower SMV than you would otherwise be able to land in real life.

There's virtually nothing you can do to signal a higher SMV on a Tinder profile besides looking better. Of course, a few things can help: Pictures with animals also help to establish that you're approachable and non-threatening. But you're also going to be handicapped in the text-based conversations you have with women. In face-to-face interactions, you have many more tools at your disposal with which to demonstrate higher value: In an online conversation, all of these aren't an option and you are limited to things like demonstrations of intellect and a good sense of humor, and even then it's harder to crack a joke with written words than in person, especially if it's taken the wrong way.

Let's take a look at the inverse. Whereas, just being on online dating is a DLV for most guys 'he needs to come online to get a date' , simply approaching a woman with confidence in public is a DHV for most guys 'he must be really confident to be so bold and decisive about approaching me'. She's not going to assume you're approaching her because you can't get laid. If anything, she'll assume that, since you had the balls to approach her, you've got the balls to approach other women as well.

And if you've got the balls to approach lots of other women, then it isn't much of a stretch to assume that you're getting laid, which demonstrates pre-selection and helps to create attraction. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't use Tinder or online dating. Go ahead and use all the tools at your disposal, I completely encourage it. However, use it as a supplement and never a substitute to your real-life pursuits of women - if you're find you're using Tinder as a crutch and an excuse not to approach women in real life, you might want to consider taking a break for a few weeks.

Also, don't think that the girls you can get on Tinder are an objective reflection of your SMV. If you're not matching with the hotties you really want, that doesn't necessarily mean they're out of your league and completely unobtainable. More than likely, it means they have their pick of virtually any guy they want on the site and are choosing only to match with the very best-looking men, since looks are pretty well the only criterion they have on which to evaluate prospective mates' SMVs.

Yes, for the best looking men, Tinder is a dream come true. But if you're not getting matched with all the hotties you want on Tinder, if you're getting matched with a lower quantity or quality of women than you would prefer, it doesn't mean you can't get those girls at all. Either way, it just means you can't get those girls on Tinder. You'll have to man up, do it the old fashioned way, and endure some face-to-face rejections along the way.

Dating websites are rubbish

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3 Comments

  1. The men who occupy the very tops of these social dominance hierarchies generally receive the most reproductive success.

  2. You'll have to man up, do it the old fashioned way, and endure some face-to-face rejections along the way. There's all sorts of cues that women look for in men which demonstrate higher sexual marketplace value. Hands off online dating sites where communication is only possible via sms.

  3. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't use Tinder or online dating. I asked him if he would join the conversation and he said we'd start with a clean slate. You'll know within seconds if it's a runner.

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