Yet the mainstream media, your family, and even you yourself perpetuate this idea. You disqualify yourself based on appearances alone. What if she shared no common interests with you? What if she was a horrible person? What if she was always dishonest? What if she was selfish, immature, and insecure? Would none of these things make a difference to you? You have to see past her as an object.
Beauty is only a small piece of the puzzle. Internal qualities like respect, kindness, and self-esteem are much more rare and precious. Those qualities take days, weeks, or months to discover.
And it often takes being intimate to allow partners to open up and start sharing their true selves. We weigh qualities based on how we specifically value them. Is it physical attractiveness?
There are many qualities that make an attractive man. Which leads me to… Different preferences are just different — not better or worse We all have our own personalities, interests, and goals. It is literally impossible to hit it off with everyone and nor should you try. Seek out and invest in people who are compatible with you. Think about how she fits your preferences: Does she have the qualities you desire?
Does she share similar values? Is she someone you can respect and admire? Set standards for yourself. That leads to unhappy, dead-end connections.
Then why not take those chances? Sometimes they approach a girl and strike out. But then I remind them that there are more innings and games to play. That even the greatest batters in history struck out often. Still, they kept stepping up to the plate and swinging at every opportunity that came their way. Ted Williams, who has one of the highest batting averages in history, struck out times.
I convince them to continue approaching and what happens? They swing again and suddenly…. At that moment, they realize that these leagues never existed in the first place. It was their own fear and nothing more. The only requirements for dating are to be human and to participate. Registration is always open.
Want to hit it off with more women? Let me be your coach. Sign up below to get immediate access to the First Date Field Manual. Nick Notas on December 10, It definitely requires a change in mindset.
You need to consciously remind yourself to look past looks. Build a habit of figuring out who she is. AKA, be genuinely interested in other people. Reply Grant on December 10, Finally I have an article to send my friend.
He always says this shit and it drives me nuts. I told him he needs to be proactive. Maybe this will convince him! Nick Notas on January 5, I hope it does! Dating becomes so much more satisfying when you take charge. How can you say if one is out of your league, in your league, or below your league? You have a very nice and informative blog here. Instead, just aim to find out who they are. Then see if they are someone you want to connect with… Do they share similar values?
Do you feel like you could get along? Are you excited to spend time with them? Do you find them attractive? If not, then focus on finding someone who is. Reply Sandy on December 18, Physical beauty can attract many people but inner beauty will make them love you. Nick Notas on January 5, Definitely Sandy. But inner beauty will not only remain but continue to flourish. Reply Michael on December 19, sandy i agree with you i think physical beauty is of importance but what really matters is inner beauty people should not be cunning who cheats you.
His friends told me, he never did. Someone told me he may have been intimidated by my career success which made me think I need to be more self aware of how I come across to men. Was it my work? Or where he lives, or the care he drives, or the clothes he wears. A man who opts out too soon may never see past his own pre-judgment.
When you take away the facade of material stuff, perceived accomplishments and achievements, etc. But for every man who opts out, there is a woman who also misses out. Go on a date. Go on another date. If she sees something in you and likes you, then believe her, instead of your own doubting self-perception. Reply Mark on February 6, Marie, that was one of the most warm and beautifully encouraging things I have read on that subject.
I love that you talk about how the guy who devalues his own worth also hurts the woman who misses getting to know him. If we think in terms of looks, money, fame, etc. But if we think in terms of courage, honesty, trust, warmth and vulnerability, there really is no one who is unattainable or beyond our capacity to connect with.
The guy you mentioned who you were sad to see disqualify himself was judging himself based on the wrong criteria. So in that way he was not in your league. I know you feel sad because you see that if he could see himself the way you see him, he would feel much more comfortable with himself and comfortable being with you. I truly believe vulnerability is the single most important thing in connecting with another person. We can all see why he was scared to date you. But because he would not share his shame with you it robbed you of the opportunity to show him that none of that mattered to you.
The most amazing thing happens when people open up and share with each other in a courageous way. As you would have explained to him, the parts of him you valued, he would find a whole new side of you that was beautiful, and he would find a whole new side of himself that was beautiful. You just disqualified yourself and went home. If I could ask all the guys to just be open and tell the most beautiful girl they know three things. Doing these things is hard and terrifying.
But I promise the results will be amazing. You will become a different person when you see how she reacts. Reply Sue on March 1, So spot on Marie.
We want to know the decent men not the arrogant slimy ones who are always the only ones to approach you. Men I have really cared for as friends first but who confessed to me months sometimes years after that they felt I was too out of their league to do something about their feelings. One guy took ten years and I had by that stage moved away. Thank you for giving us hope that there are some men out there who are not intimidated or too scared to try just because a woman is attractive.
It gets so depressing to watch my friend get more decent guys than me because they feel she is easier to approach. Thanks for a sensible approach. Please guys, spread the word.
But what about social circle? I guess what i am asking is what kind of women attracts the confident men? David hare on March 10, A fantastic article.