Aug, at 9: It is the one and only time that I have been in love, but once I learned who she really was which took a while , I am so grateful that love finally ended for me. My experience with her was dreadful. In the beginning she was incredibly charming, funny and interesting. Even sex with her was never fully satisfying for me due to her narcissism.
She loved to receive pleasure from me, but was unable to be the direct giver of pleasure. Even in sex, she was completely self-centered and selfish. She once commented that I made her feel so good sexually that she wished she could keep me in her closet so she had me on hand anytime she needed to pull me out to fulfill her sexual needs. That was one of her ways of objectifying me sexually. She lured me into her world only to use me as a prospective handyman and sex object.
While I was under the impression that she genuinely cared about me, her actions consistently contradicted this.
She stood my parents and me up on my birthday; she was supposed to go out to dinner with us but backed out simply because she was having a bad day. Even on my birthday, it was all about her. When she moved into her new home a few days later, I commented that I smelled cat urine in her house when I came by to see her.
I said this as a gesture to help her find out why it smelled like cat urine in her house, and to help her locate the source of the smell. Instead, she took my comment as a direct attack against her. She went into a narcissistic rage, telling me to leave. I left, and we stayed away from each other for a few days. A few weeks later, after I spent the night at her house, she woke up with a sore on her finger, which she feared was a wart. She was so disturbed by this, and blamed the sore on her finger on me.
She expressed that nothing weird ever happens to her. This was her narcissistic delusion of herself as being special and unique. Weird things happen to other people, not to her. After I left that morning, I was no longer of any use or interest to her. I was discarded with no explanation. I tried several times to reach out to her in person and by phone for several weeks to understand what had happened.
But this was to no avail. She ignored, avoided or pushed me away during each attempt. I was heartbroken and devastated, since I loved her and could not understand what I had done to make her behave this way.
Over time, I began to entertain the idea that she was a classic narcissist. I believed the idea at times, and rejected it at times. Still several months later, I had hoped to work things out with her. I made a few more attempts to connect with her, but I was always quickly dismissed. Eventually, I gave up and retreated into depression, confusion and frustration that lasted for about a year.
She had left me wondering if things were really over or if this was all just a strange, temporary departure she had taken from me.
I was left to wonder and wonder. I tried one last time to reach out to her, but of course, I was abrasively disregarded. I finally reached the point that I understood that she was a sick and troubled woman, and I moved on with my life. About a year later, a mutual acquaintance of ours told me that she stated that I had stalked her when in fact that was outright lie.
She used my attempts in the past to reach out to her, to communicate with her, to understand what was going on as grounds for me stalking her. I was outraged by this, but let it go. It was not long after this that I learned that I was one of many men who had suffered the same fate from her over the past few years. I was just one in a series of objects and play things that she used for her own means, then discarded when I was no more use to her.
Oddly enough, about six or seven years later, we ran into each other at a grocery store. During this encounter, she behaved as though I was her long lost best friend. She told me that I was so good to her when we were together, and she appreciated that. She also told me that she was a mixed up girl, and to not try to figure her out.
At this point, I was long over her, and had no romantic interests in her at all. But I did hope that we could at least become friends. So, we spent the evening together, hanging out at her place.
She gave me her phone number and told me to call her so that we could hang out some more. I called her a few days later, leaving her a message. She returned the phone call, leaving me a message referring to hanging out again soon. I called her back, but low and behold, I never heard from her again. I was once again discarded. It was after that I became aware that I had been hoovered by her. I was sucked back in, only to feed her narcissistic supply, then cast back into the sea once more.
That was it for me. Once I made sense of everything, I had no interest in ever seeing her again or being involved with her even on a civil encounter basis. I despised her for the person she is, and I will always despise her for that.
She is a narcissist and she will never change. She is infected for life, since she sees herself as infallible. In her mind, she does not need to change the person who she truly is. I know all to well about narcissists and the way they work, since more than one narcissist has infected my life at some point. They are abusive and destructive human beings with ice running through their veins. Along with sociopaths and psychopaths, narcissists can be some of the most horrendous people on the planet.
Aug, at He drained me to last drop of self-esteem. I am in recovering mode. Or when they project their cray onto you and literally make you feel that you are the one who is wrong, and they never apologize for their insults and actions. For example, people in a relationship with a narcissist often feel used.