I tried to keep it together as I spoke to them, even shaking my replacement's hand while quickly judging her in my head. But after they left, I called a friend, crying. But the situations kept ending in uncomfortable "so what are we? I wasn't yet in the place to be a good partner, but I still wanted the experience of connecting with someone. Which is how I ended up surprising myself when a message popped up in my OkCupid inbox. He said he was in an open relationship, and everything was good with his girlfriend.
Would I like to grab drinks sometime? I had assumptions about what open relationships entail and the kind of people who get into them. But I decided to get over the assumptions and just try it — and it changed so much of what I thought. Here are five myths about open relationships we need to stop repeating.
People in open relationships are more promiscuous than monogamous people. But open relationships aren't so much about more sex, just different sex. I can branch out.
That exciting sexual variety, rather than promiscuity for the sake of it, is one benefit of open relationships. People are only in open relationships for the sex.
There's a strong assumption that someone opens up their relationship simply because they're looking for a hall pass to sleep with anyone they want, whenever they want. Just take this presumptuous line from a Men's Fitness article: Having dated several people in open relationships, Jonathan, 23, told Mic, "The guy was actually interested in creating an emotional bond. He was genuinely interested in me as a person and not just a hook-up.
I was surprised that sex wasn't always expected. She also held a lot of assumptions about open relationships. They saw each other regularly for six months, and Nicole even got to know his girlfriend. I found the same — that the men I went out with were not solely interested in sex. They were happy to have a conversation and get to know me, whether that led to sex or not. Open relationships are just a way to justify cheating. Contrary to popular perceptions , people in open relationships aren't necessarily unhappy with their current relationships, lacking in love or looking to stray.
I chose them to be the one who I pick at the end of the day. They were my primary. By letting me feel not chained down by the confines of a monogamous relationship, I loved them even more for it, for I felt like I could truly be myself. After sleepovers with one man in an open relationship who i was seeing, it was not uncommon for him to answer the phone in bed when his girlfriend called, chatting briefly about their nights out and their plans together for later that day.
It never bothered me because we were both clear about our expectations for each other — and it didn't seem to bother her to know there was someone else beside her boyfriend. Open relationships require strict rules for sex.
I assumed that there would be a strict no-sleepover policy, seeing as sleeping together in the same bed was an important part of my now-extinct monogamous relationship. Awkwardly, I commented to one of the guys I was seeing, "So Be safe, use a condom and be honest.
Nick and Cate told Salon theirs are also simple: Open relationships ultimately break people apart. But couples often decide to open up their relationships in order to save them, not harm them. Dating other people can take the pressure off of one's significant other to be everything for the other person. In my last relationship, just the thought of me talking to other men made my ex go crazy.
Wouldn't jealousy get the best of couples in open relationships? But I realized that the thing monogamous couples are most afraid of — sex outside of the relationship — is a non-issue for those in open relationships, as long as open communication and honesty are held in high regard.
Brett opened up his relationship with his girlfriend six months ago and told Mic it's helped their connection immensely. If two people are happy being in an open relationship, and no one is being deceitful, who is anyone to judge or care?