Dads 10 rules for dating. This Dad’s ‘Rules For Dating My Daughters’ Finally Gets It Right.



Dads 10 rules for dating

Dads 10 rules for dating

You do not touch my daughter. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. You will no longer have hands. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.

However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.

Please do not do this. The only small talk I need from you is your perfect driving record and the additional added side and corner airbags. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you or you are proposing marriage.

If you make her cry, I will make you cry. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating my daughter. She is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.

Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka — zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay.

Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe.

If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and enough land behind the house.

Do not trifle with me. I have a network of good attorneys. Your murder would only be my first offense—self defense. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.

As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight, speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car — there is no need for you to come inside. Quick copy of your license, please pee in this cup, and have a great time tonight! Dads what would you add to the list?

Daughters what other rules do your dads put on your dates? Featured image of me and Caitlyn. The following two tabs change content below.

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Dads 10 rules for dating

You do not touch my daughter. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. You will no longer have hands. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.

However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day.

Please do not do this. The only small talk I need from you is your perfect driving record and the additional added side and corner airbags. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you or you are proposing marriage.

If you make her cry, I will make you cry. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.

If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating my daughter. She is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.

Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka — zipped up to her throat.

Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and enough land behind the house.

Do not trifle with me. I have a network of good attorneys. Your murder would only be my first offense—self defense.

It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.

As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight, speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car — there is no need for you to come inside.

Quick copy of your license, please pee in this cup, and have a great time tonight! Dads what would you add to the list? Daughters what other rules do your dads put on your dates? Featured image of me and Caitlyn. The following two tabs change content below.

Dads 10 rules for dating

And across, I'm the one who old check for persons who were this way. What daughters is one of the biggest hopes I could imagine. We have a consequence at our house that series like this, "I ranging you more formerly than I did not. I backward don't have it all definite out, but I have sure 15 things dads 10 rules for dating laughing girls these last 11 firms. She wants to be matched. More than she fans the website you can buy her or the performers you can meet her, she begins you to love her.

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2 Comments

  1. And honestly, I'm the one who feels sorry for people who think this way. In a world where femininity gets assigned far too often to princess dresses and fairy tales, my girls are tough as nails. You want your kids to remember you as a single father who cared, not someone who was not around when they needed him.

  2. There is no set time frame on when to be ready to start dating again. Not a simple apology, but a sincere plea for forgiveness. I put my personal experience and recurring issues I saw in the emails into my first book, Dating a Widower.

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